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“I know of nobody who is purely autistic, or purely neurotypical. Even God has some autistic moments, which is why the planets spin.” -Jerry Newport, Your Life is not a Label.

How true! I also have never met someone who is purely autistic or purely neurotypical. All the children I know who have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders have neurotypical traits that become more evident as we give them opportunities to develop. An autism diagnosis is never a definition, it only provides a direction in which to encourage and expect growth. On the other hand, I’ve never know a person that I could say was completely neurotypical. Everyone struggles to maintain control over life and we all find interpersonal relationships to be impossible at times. The wonderful punchline reminds me that there are aspects of autism that are beautiful and can be appreciated ‘as is’. Not everything must be remediated, treated, or extinguished. Do God’s autistic moments make the planets spin? It’s one of the most delightful explanations I’ve heard.

In RDI, we strive to create opportunities for children with ASD to think and problem-solve in dynamic situations. We shift our communication to allow them opportunities to initiate and hold up their end of conversation. We help them to express their own ideas and participate fully in their social environment because we know that this is essential to their quality of life. But what happens when they go to school? What if your child is mainstreamed with an individual aide? An individual aide can sometimes prompt so much that their students become prompt dependent and miss opportunities to develop responsibility for their performance in the class. At worst, the aide can be a tangible symbol of the child’s disability, which if not handled skillfully by the teacher, can be stigmatizing for the child.  Have you experienced this with your child or witnessed it with others?

Recently I talked with a mother who thought of an inventive way to address this problem. She hired and personally trained an aide to shadow her child. She taught the aide to facilitate the “just right challenge”. The aide doesn’t overcompensate for the child, but also doesn’t allow the child to become frustrated and overwhelmed. What is more, the aide assists all the children in the class. This child doesn’t require an aide to be constantly at his side, so the aide circulates throughout the class. The mother has found that the peers in this class are more accepting and open to her son than the children had been in classes where the aide focused only on him.

This child goes to a private school that is open to new ideas.  I have not seen this type of aide in public schools. However, I think it is worth requesting. If you have a child in school, have you been happy with the situation you have for your child? If you feel inclined, tell us how this journey is going for you.

How do shared activities help my child learn language?

A shared frame of reference is essential to comprehension when your understanding of language is limited. Imagine that you are in a train station in Russia and you don’t know Russian. If a native speaker comes up to you and begins talking, you probably wouldn’t understand what was said. However, if you went to purchase a ticket, you may be able to communicate with the ticket seller. Your ability to interpret is assisted by your shared frame of reference (buying tickets) within which you discuss limited information (e.g. fares and train schedules.) Common ground makes conversation easier to follow.

It is the same when children are learning language. Early language typically develops while a child is engaged with an adult in a task that serves to frame the attention of both partners.  For example, a boy may learn the word “ball” and the phrase “Got it!” while playing ball with his mom.  Although there are other objects in the child’s view, such as the fan and the rug, the adult is not attending to them, so the child can assume they are not the subject of speech.  Just like a traveler in a foreign country, the child must have an understanding of the adult’s frame of reference in order to interpret what is said.

So, how do I engage my child?

Developing a shared frame of reference is easier said than done. Children with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders) have delays in the development of shared attention skills. You may find it difficult to direct your child’s focus and to establish a role that your child will willingly perform. Try to include your child in simple games and in chores and activities you do. Slowing down your actions, simplifying, and limiting your language will help.  Speak in short phrases and stick to the topic of the experience at hand. Above all, try to remain calm and supportive. Developing common ground will boost your child’s language learning.

Take this short quiz to find out! Then give it to your spouse or significant other.

What is the most important thing to do before February 14th?

1.       Make 22 Valentines for your child’s party.

2.       Clean your garage.

3.       Find a sitter for Valentine’s Day.

You are correct if you chose answer (3), Find a sitter. Wikipedia defines Valentine’s Day as “an annual commemoration held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions.” In the thick of family life, don’t miss this special time to enjoy each other.

P.S. This part is important, men. Wikipedia goes on to say that “It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines“).”

There is a movie in the theaters this month, “The King’s Speech,” which portrays the true story of King George VI of Britain (Colin Firth) and his speech therapist (Geoffrey Rush). King George has a stammer, which may not seem like a huge problem to some of us, until we see him trying to deliver live speeches on air to his entire nation.  The King spends endless hours of work with his speech therapist, just like many of our kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). But it is not our kid’s therapy that I want to focus on here, it is our own speech. There is a simple change you can make in your speaking style that will greatly improve your child’s ability to understand and respond to you. It is one of the most powerful things you can do to improve your communication with your child with ASD.

Colin Firth unwittingly demonstrates this speaking style in “The King’s Speech”. The climax of the movie is a speech the King delivers to his subjects imploring them to join the fight against Germany in WWII. He is able to deliver his speech without stuttering by using slow, measured phrases. His deliberate manner creates a mood of solemnity and quiet strength that holds his listeners spellbound. Each phrase has time to resonate before the next phrase is spoken and his subjects listening all over the world are deeply moved. King George spoke this way out of necessity, but it is an excellent model for how we can slow down our speech and use short phrases with our children. This is important because it allows time for our children with ASD to process what we are saying.

ASD is primarily an information processing disorder. Individuals with ASD have difficulty making sense of many different types of information simultaneously. This may manifest as sensory, language, and motor processing disorders. Fast speech exacerbates problems with information processing, causing the child to become frustrated and confused. Slowing down your speech and using short phrases, gives your child time to understand your words and reflect on how to respond to you, whether the response is words or actions. A slower pace also prevents us from having to repeat ourselves, speak louder, or increase prompts, all of which can cause anxiety in our children.  King George’s slow, halting speech surprised his listeners before they became accustomed to his cadence. Speaking slower will sound awkward to you at first, too. But once you see the benefits, you will find that slow speech is fit for a king!

Which of your successes come to mind when you need to shore up your confidence? What fond memories do you recall when you are lonely? What would your world be like without your autobiographical memory?

Scientists have noted a deficit in autobiographical memory in individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). This deficit makes it hard for them to plan and predict in new situations and to reassure themselves when things are hard. A great way to help your child with ASD to store meaningful memories is to reminisce with a photo album of times you have shared. The strategy is to share with your child how you experienced the event. This is different from the quiz situation we often create for the child with ASD. When you share your meaningful impressions, they will be used as a model for your child to share his or her own experiences spontaneously.

To get a start on building autobiographical memories, print some good photos of the holidays and make a small album to share with your child.

To learn more about ASD and autobiographical memory, visit the following link at rdiconnect.

http://www.rdiconnect.com/blogs/rdi-community/archive/2010/11/23/linda-murphy-s-article-on-episodic-memory-and-experience-sharing-published-in-autism-spectrum-quarterly.aspx

The New Year gives us all a chance at making a fresh start. Everyone aspires to some kind of personal growth and renewal. It is also a time to remember that children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and other neuro-developmental disorders can change and grow in remarkable ways when given the chance. Have you ever been told that there is a critical period for brain development from birth to 3-years of age? There is little empirical evidence to support that claim. Dr. Gutstein, the co-founder of RDI (Relationship Development Intervention), calls the myth of the critical period the “boiled egg theory.” Actually, the brains of people with traumatic brain injury and stroke have been shown to reorganize and develop after injury even when the patient is elderly. Just as we may develop our will power or a new skill this year, the brains of people with ASD can undergo significant development at any age. We can help people of all ages with ASD improve in the areas of their core deficits, including flexible thinking and empathy. If you are looking for a therapeutic program for your child with ASD, check if it includes a plan to remediate the core deficits of ASD. When we challenge children to develop in these critical areas, our aspirations for them will grow.

Winter holiday can so easily turn into a time for our kids to watch more TV and play more video games. After all, we are busy getting ready for the holidays and it is so convenient to let them do what they seem to like best. But TV and video games are not what it is best for them. When kids spend too much time with electronic media their social development suffers. Children with ASD  find electronic media particularly attractive. TV and video games are a chance for them to excel. But if used too much, electronic media will get in the way of our children developing competence in real-world activities.

Of course, in order for them to unplug, we have to turn away from our own electronic devices and give attention to our children. So here is my personal ode to an unplugged Christmas. Feel free to comment, add your own verse, or sing along!

Silent night, Holy night

All is calm, all is bright

Raj hasn’t slipped off to play games on the iPad

Papa’s not responding to every ping from his iPhone

I won’t even think of updating my blog

As we gather to light the Yule log

Silent night, Holy night

All is calm, all is bright

Cousins look lovely detached from their iPods

Tonight there will be no chatting on Facebook

Grandpa has agreed not to watch “Dancing with the Stars”

As I strum my acoustic guitar

The holidays are upon us! The weeks ahead are full of opportunities for family traditions. It is a great time of year to involve your child in making special memories with you. A little planning ahead goes a long way toward making it a positive experience. Before you begin, decide on a role in the holiday activity that your child with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can do competently. Take some time now to list the traditions you want to do with your family or one-on-one with your child. My list includes picking out a Christmas tree, decorating the tree, putting up the nativity scene, and making gingerbread men with my son.

Kat Lee reminded us in her recent webinar, “Making Holiday Memories”, of the importance of breaking activities into simpler steps.  Once you have the steps listed, you can choose the ones which your child will be able to do. For example, in making gingerbread men, your child may be able to stir the batter, knead the dough, help roll it out, and decorate. The right steps to choose will depend on your child’s developmental readiness and skills. (Hint: If the role turns out to be too difficult and your child gets frustrated, you can always invite your child back and simplify.)

List the steps for one of your traditions. Circle the step(s) that you think your child can manage. You’re on your way!

This exercise will help make this holiday season a joyful one for you and your child. Remember to take a picture or video during your holiday tradition so that you and your child can talk about it later. This helps solidify your child’s memories of success. You will both enjoy remembering the warm feelings you shared over the holidays.